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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  October 14, 2014 12:05am-1:08am EDT

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. that's very nice. thank you, cleto. hi, everybody, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i hope you had a good weekend. i hope you're still having a good weekend. you know, a lot of people have a three-day weekend because of columbus day. in 1492, columbus sailed the ocean blue and 522 years later, a lot of people still get monday off to celebrate. why, i'm not exactly sure. no one's received more credit for getting lost than christopher columbus in the history of man kind. pizza delivery guy and i got lost, nobody gave me a day. they wouldn't even give me a tip.
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but the story goes, he was aiming for india, wound up in the caribbean and americans have been terrible at geography ever since then. columbus discovered america the same way your mom discovered facebook. late. essentially christopher columbus was the explorer equivalent of the guy who writes "first" in the comments section of a youtube video. he wasn't first. when columbus showed up, there was millions of people living here. >> in the namele of spain, i claim this land for spain. >> jimmy: no, no, i'm sorry, but this land is already claimed. you can't claim it for spain. >> the savage speaks. >> jimmy: i'm not a savage. and i'm not sure what word you used there, but you know -- >> noble savages. >> jimmy: no. >> you have nothing to fear. i am merely here to take your land and expose you to a variety of diseases. what do you say? do we have a deal? >> jimmy: no, we do not. i'm sorry.
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>> now there shall be -- >> jimmy: wait. i feel like i should tell you there's a very good mattress sale down the street. maybe you want to check that out. nice comfortable mattress. >> i do like a good mattress. >> jimmy: ill know you do. >> very well. i shall claim those mattress es for spain. >> jimmy: okay. >> your life has been spared for now. >> jimmy: all right, thank you. >> for spain! >> jimmy: all right, for spain, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] columbus -- he looks great. he's an old guy, right? that explains his three boats parked out on hollywood boulevard. speaking of discoveries, i made quite a discovery in my garden over the weekend. this is -- this will tell you all you need to know about me that i didn't notice this was growing in my bardegarden. this is a zucchini that was growing in my garden. i don't know if i should eat it
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or adopt it. this is the most least exciting thing i have ever done in my life. i did nothing to this. it just grew. have you ever seen a zucchini of this size, guillermo? >> that's way big. >> jimmy: thank you. should we weigh it? you have the scale? where is the scale? >> scale. i'll go get it. >> jimmy: you go get it? >> let me go get the zucchini -- >> jimmy: no, i'll go over with you. you take it. you weigh it. what do you think it weighs? >> nine pounds. >> jimmy: nine pounds. okay, very good. all right. nine pounds. okay. let's see what it weighs. i can't see the scale from there. will you tell me what it weighs? oh, almost nine pounds. >> wow, 8 1/2. 8 1/2. wow. >> jimmy: looks like eight and a quarter pounds. >> yeah, wow. >> jimmy: that's pretty good, huh? >> yeah, it is. you did a good job. >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo. [ laughter ] that is a big zucchini, right? have you ever seen anything like this? wow.
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[ cheers and applause ] thank you. yes, i do, and it's right here. [ laughter ] i'm going to put that on the ceiling of my bedroom. hey, while we're on the subject, great, now i have this, i've noticed over the years that there is an unusually close connection between local news and things that are shaped like this. weev we've been collecting evidence to do this. there's someone here that keeps track of penis weather-shaped patterns. these are the fruits of his labor. >> all the country surrounded in blue. and then this year, the places that just don't have snow. >> northwesterly direction. we've got that forecast cone, shows you it stays off the coast. >> we had a cell that hopped over to brooklyn, queens and the
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north shore of long island. >> we have john. this is a tropical storm and you say, dan, why are you showing me this? john is going to move north. moisture will be left over. >> we're going to see more storms develop in parts of mississippi and in those storms, much like last night, move up to the north and the east. >> construction is hatching along north michigan, going all the way to state avenue. drivers are down to the single lane. >> the next one behind that could affect us later in the week. >> jimmy: that had to be on purpose, right? don't be jealous. you are real. those others aren't. zucchini, by the way, is a member of the squash family. squash was originally found in north and south america but the italians got seeds, they planted them and cult valt what we now know as the zucchini. and next, they're plank to do the same thing with another popular green plant, marijuana.
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starting next year -- this is not a joke. the italian army is going to goal medical marijuana. italy legalized medical marijuana last year, but it is expensive for people to buy. they have to import it for holland. the government turned to the military to grow it in a high security laboratory. so, if you thought the food in italy was good now, wait -- just you wait until you have it next year, because it's going to be absolutely -- oh, no. what's going on here? >> in the name of -- i claim this zucchini for spain. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: stop him! stop him! >> he has a weapon. >> jimmy: all right. columbus stole mizzou key kny z. this is going to shock you. the united states is no longer the plastic surgery in the world. you know what country is? brazil. that honor belongs to brazil
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now. brazil surpassed us as a place with the most plastic surgeries, even though they have much less disposable income. i mean, you know, those people can't afford to buy backs for their underwear. according to the international society of aesthetic plastic surgery. more than 1.5 million plastic surgeries were performed last year. it's so common in brazil, there's a hospital that gives free breast implants to poor people. [ laughter ] mostly women, i would guess, though who knows. charitable boob jobs. it makes sense. you give a woman a fish, she eats for a day. you give her a set of d-cups, she eats out every night. [ applause ] congratulations to brazil on this ridiculous achievement this is good. there was a lot of football this weekend. this was the highlight for me. on saturday, during the first quarter of the texas/oklahoma game -- a big tackle and then he
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celebrated with one of his own teammates in a very unusual way. >> a lot of work to do and he gets corralled by steve edmond. >> jimmy: that's called a head five. he's hoping to get drafted by the nfl and the mma at the same time. all right, here is something i think you can probably relate to. how many of you get texts from your mother on a regular basis? [ applause ] okay. nothing to clap about, really, i mean -- getting a text from your mom can be a bewildering experien experience. it's nice. you don't have to get in a long conversation about the neighbors and the dog, but on the other hand, many moms have a hard time mastering the art of the text message. some mothers treat it as if they're leaving a voicemail, which is bad, too, by the way. but we're talking about this in the office last week and so we went around, we collected actual text messages, these are real
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texts, we have not altered them at all. some of us, who work here, have received from our mothers. and tonight, we're going to set those texts to music and here to help us to do that, please welcome t.i. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> i don't know when i see you next, so, go ahead and eat the almonds and whatever other perishables there were in that box of stuff whitney gave me. now i can't remember what else was in it. i've been watching the movie with diane keaton called "darling companion" about a dog she rescued. loving it. [ laughter ] missed a call from an unknown number, probably a wrong number, but just in case it was you
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using someone else's phone, i'll call the missed number again if you don't answer this text. [ applause ] would you believe the tv is being delivered today? i called jeff, but he was on his way to a meeting. how could it get delivers in one day? it's a good thing i'm home and i tracked it. i know jeff is busy so he probably didn't check his e-mails or else he would have told me it was getting delivered. it's a good thing i was home for the delivery but i can't believe they delivered it in one day. [ applause ] jan's grandpa died this morning. have a nice week ahead. love you very much. mom. [ applause ] word to your mother. >> jimmy: wow, that was -- t.i., everybody. beautifully done. thank you. when we come back -- we're going to pour one out for jan's grandpa. and we're going to hear more music from t.i.
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>> jimmy: hi, everybody. welcome back to the show. tonight, from the new movie "the best of me," which opens on friday, michelle monaghan is here with us. and then a very talented and popular gentleman. his new album is called "paperwork." it comes out one week from tomorrow. t.i. from the at&t outdoor stage. also, we have a special visitor here. get a shot of our birthday guy. yep, visiting from houston, texas, it's her 40th birthday. [ cheers and applause ] wearing a tiara. and she's here tonight to bring us all hepatitis c. it's a long story. tomorrow night, adam carolla will be here.
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from the new show "cristela," cristela alonzo will join us and we'll have music from the great bob seger. our first guest tonight was remarkably, he was 16 years old the first time he was on this show. he's been in something like 30 movies since then. his latest is set during world war ii, it's called "fury" and it opens friday. please welcome shia labeouf. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how's it going? >> thank you. how are you? happy birthday, annette. >> jimmy: she's on a big trip. >> looks like it. >> jimmy: you know it's a big trip when you wear a tiara. >> sure. it's beautiful. you're welcome. >> jimmy: how are you doing? what's going on with your facial hair there? is that for a role or -- >> yeah, for work. for work. >> jimmy: i see.
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you seem to have gone crazy since the last time i saw you. is that true? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, i guess i have. >> jimmy: let me ask a question about one incident, because i'm fascinated. you went to the -- you were arrested at the musical "cabaret." which seems like, first of all, weird place for you to be in the first place. >> sure. >> jimmy: but how does one get arrested? take us through it. how does one get arrested there? >> all right, so, i land in new york. i'm coming back from ireland, visiting my girl and in ireland, when you go to rome, you have spaghetti. you go to ireland, you drink whiskey. i had been drinking a lot of whiskey in ireland. i come back, i land and it's the world cup. and you drink a lot of whiskey during the world cup. >> jimmy: is that one of the traditions of the world cup? >> yep, it makes it all fun. i'm sitting at a bar and i'm drinking a whole lot of whiskey and i'm watching this world cup, it's south korea, versus, i
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forget the other team. lithuania or something. and i really care at this point. i'm drunk enough to really care. >> jimmy: who were you rooting for? >> lithuania, for sure. i'm all lithuania and i go outside, i have a cigarette and there's this homeless man out there. i'm working on here, this whomless marine, and i start talking to him, we start getting into a conversation and a woman runs up, starts taking pictures of me with her cell phone and it trips him out. so, and i'm three sheets to the wind and i can't really calm him down. he starts running down the road after 30 minutes of conversation. i start running after him. and i'm trying to calm this homeless man down in the middle of times square. and he don't want anything to do with me. i'm not giving up. [ laughter ] so, i tried -- i chase him for awhile, trying to calm him. relax. and he's gone. so, i start walking back to the bar to pay my bill and i see this dude who comes up and i don't know this guy. he comes up to me, he says, hey,
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man, i'm a big fan. i said, thank you. he said, what are you doing tonight? i'm looking to turn it up a bit, you know? i'm trying to have a good night here. i just got to new york, i'm triping to have a good time. really done with this lithuania thing. what's going on. he said, why don't you come to my show in i'm a dancer in this cabaret show. i was like, yeah, that's exactly what i want to do. so, gives me a ticket. i go to the thing and it's maybe a block away from my bar, so, i go pay my bill, i get outside, i'm walking towards the thing and starting now, the drunk is really start to kick in. i make it into the theater and -- >> jimmy: thank goodness. you know, if you hadn't, we wouldn't have this story. >> there you go. so, i get into the theater and it's set up in an old club, so, there's, you know, what i know of broadway, it's this kind of setup. in this show, they had tables. and there was all these women in
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burlesque and i'm like, this really is some kind of party or something. so, i'm walking to my seat and on the way to the seat i see there's this bar over here and i go, oh, yeah, sure, i'll have another drink. so, i get another double whiskey, i sit in my seat and there's two beautiful 50-year-old women and i say, oh, yeah, well, tonight's the night ladies, what do you want to drink? and they look at me like, don't talk to me. [ laughter ] so, i take it as a sign that they want exactly what i'm drinking, so i -- [ laughter ] i turn around, i go back to the bar and i get two more double whiskeys. while i'm at the bar, there's a fruit plate. i'm like, this is a nice thing. i start taking fruit and i'm feeding this other woman who looks about 50, 60 or so. i'm feeding this woman strawberries. i forget i'm at the show anymore. after that finishes, i walk back to my seat with the drinks and i put the drinks down and they don't want nothing to do with
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it. i said, all right, i'll have them. and so, now i'm drinking the drinks and the show starts. and out comes allen comings. he could have been allen iverson at this point. allen iverson's there and i'm into it, you know, i never knew he was into broadway. and he's smoking a cigarette. i go, oh, it's that kind of party. perfect. aisle have one, too. i'm packing my cigarettes out. i'm smoking, nobody wants nothing to do with me. i don't see them. i'm seeing allen iverson in leather pants. this is the craziest show i've ever seen. he puts the cigarette out and he's winking at me. and i'm thinking, oh, this is great. at this point, i see the ballet guy who gave me the ticket and i'm like, hey, what's going on, pal? and now everybody's looking at me, i'm feeling like, whoa, this is kind of weird. i didn't know it was that kind of show. allen walks past me, i forget that again. i think about the leather pants
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and hi winking at me. i give him a slap on the ass, because i think he deserves it and he's seducing me. he's the sexiest man i've ever seen. i slapped and grabbed him. like, i grabbed a whole cheek, because i wanted to party right here in my pants. wanted to grab the whole party and so he finds a way to wiggle out of my hercules grip and i'm a little disappointed about it. i think it's time to have another cigarette. i start having a cigarette. a security guard comes up, can you put that out? no problem. we get to intermission and a person tells me, there's another party outside. i'm thinking, oh, okay. and i see six cops having their own party. and, anyway, so, they took me to the station. [ laughter ] oh, man. >> jimmy: ride along? >> no, come to the station. >> jimmy: right. >> so, i get to the station and i quickly realize -- i'm not
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supposed to be here. this is not -- i'm not made for this setup. i get in there and, you know, i'm -- you know, this dude says, oh, whitey's here, time for snitching. >> jimmy: oh, boy. >> so, my possum is like, you got to do something. you got to do something, you're going to die in here. so, i turn into 2pac now i'm ripping mill shiy shirt off, dos with my dog, i'm crazy. the guy's like, what are you in here for? and i'm like, cabaret. [ applause ] and, anyway, so, they fingerprint me, do the whole business and i got to get out of this little cell with these six dudes, i'm tripping. and so, i figure, you know, i'm going to spit on this cop's show. he put a mask on me, a hannibal mask and a lead jacket and ushered me into my private little dwelling where i sat for 25 hours and then they gave me a mcdonald's egg sandwich. >> jimmy: what?
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[ laughter ] >> and that's the story. >> jimmy: wow. what a night. >> yeah, what a night, man. >> jimmy: i'm hoping that maybe you've -- you are dialing it back a little bit? >> yeah, yeah, i'm going to stay away from broadway for a little bit. >> jimmy: broadway is not the problem. it's the whiskey, i think. >> you're right. i'm checking that, too. and allen iverson. and leather pants. >> jimmy: sounds like you have it all covered. we're going to take a break. shia e shia labeouf is with us. we'll be right back. he's back! and the lovin's greater than ever. monopoly at mcdonald's. now's your chance to score fifties, hundreds, or a cool million,... 'til you drop with a $5,000 giftcard from target ... a chartered flight on a cessna jet for you and your crew,... ...or a one-on-one experience with lebron. i appreciate it thank you. it's it's mr. monopoly!!! welcome back. you too.
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>> you got to listen. are you saved? wait until you see it. >> see what? >> what a man can do to another man. >> jimmy: that is shia labeouf in "fury," which opens on friday. i loved the movie. i thought you did a great job in it, too. >> thank you. >> jimmy: what a good movie that is. you play -- well, you fire the gun in the tank. >> tank gunner. >> jimmy: and, did you guys get to fire the tanks at all? >> we shot the tanks, we just never shot live rounds. >> jimmy: that's probably for the best. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: brad pitt is the leader of this crew in the movie and it was -- is -- brad pitt somebody that you were excited to be around? >> oh, yeah. of course, it's brad pitt. he's a hero. he's a hero.
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and being around him, you know, like -- i watched pena on the show, he was talking about -- we called him top the whole time. his name's war daddy in the movie, we always called him top. from the beginning, he was always top. pena was talking about how he didn't get hit. that dude went for it like we all went for it. we were all vying for his attention. none of us wanted to be the guy that hit him really hard. >> jimmy: you're talking about -- the director had you guys fistfighting on set. >> every day. >> jimmy: which is one of the craziest things i've ever heard. >> you can onto get out so much in a conversation. with boys in that setting, fighting is really intimate. >> jimmy: do you ever get mad at each other? hey, you went too far. >> no, you love each other. we love each other. >> jimmy: even brothers who love each other will get mad. >> we get mad, sure. i'm not saying we don't get mad. but we love each other. it dies when we leave. >> jimmy: so, brad was kind of the top dog, as you say, almost like the bachelor and the bachelorette, all around trying
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to curry favor from him. >> exactly like that. give dudes on a date with one girl. everybody's really trying to get close all the time. >> jimmy: your tooth was missing in the movie. is that -- was that for real? >> yeah, yeah. yep. >> jimmy: is that a fake tooth that you removed? >> no, i got it removed for the movie. >> jimmy: you got -- your tooth removed and now you have -- it didn't grow back, i guess. >> no, they put a fake one in. that was a real mission getting it taken out. not like you can just go to some dentist out here on this side, you go in there, hey, i want to get this tooth taken out. you want to do that? it doesn't make any medical sense at all. i found a guy next to a radio shack. he didn't ask too many questions. he's like, yeah, which one? no problem. >> jimmy: dentists had an ethical problem with removing a tooth. doctors will put big bags of silicone into the front of a person's chest with no problem, but they won't pull a tooth. did the tooth go under the pillow?
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did you get anything out of it? >> i think my mother made a necklace out of it. >> jimmy: that's very sweet. i hope you never play oscar pistorius or anything like that. >> who is oscar pistorius? >> jimmy: he's got no legs. >> oh, right. >> jimmy: you really have to go deep into the valley to find a doctor that will do that for you. >> right. [ applause ] >> jimmy: whatever you did, it really came out great. the movie is called "fury" and it is excellent. it opens in theaters on friday. shia labeouf, everybody. thank you for being here. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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>> jimmy: well, hello there. still to come, michelle mon that than and music from t.i. on friday, relatively studios' new movie called "the best of me opens in theaters." it's based on the bestselling book by nicholas sparks and, you know, some people are of the belief that only certain kinds of people like sparks' work but that's not true. his fans come from all walks of life -- business people, blue collar workers, postal workers, even professional athletes. >> before we begin, does anybody else need any chardonnay? >> white win gives me a headache. >> i call to order this week's meeting of the nicholas sparks book club. >> yes. >> cheers.
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>> cheers. >> going to be a good week. >> this week's book is "the best of me." who else went? >> me, dude. >> i loved the diagnose log. but it was the book's broader theme that really resonated that me. >> it really made me believe in the one. that there is someone out there for eachous. >> yeah, i don't know. i found the book to be a little prosaic. >> excuse me? what's prosaic about that? >> there can't just be one person for everyone. >> now hold on. why don't we find out? nicholas sparks, get in here, please. >> please. >> mr. parsons. you missed my point entirely. dawson and amanda are just manifestations of a universal theme. it's not about finding the one. it's about finding the person who brings out the best in you. [ laughter ]
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>> to love. >> to love. >> dicky: "the best of me" in theater theaters october 17th. >> jimmy: and we'll be right back with michelle monaghan. [ aniston ] when people ask me what i'm wearing, i tell them aveeno®.
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>> jimmy: hello there. you know our next guest from "mission impossible iii", "gone baby gone" and the great hbo show "true detective." her latest is the new nicholas sparks' movie, "the best of me." it opens in theaters friday. please say hello to michelle monaghan. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm ready to turn this thing up. seriously. >> jimmy: good. the last time you were here was a few years back. you were doing a movie with shia. >> i was. it's a few years back. we were shooting "eagle eye." i came here to promote it and i was pregnant at the time. >> jimmy: right. very pregnant at the time. >> i've had another baby since then and, yeah, got two now. >> jimmy: really. how old the new baby?
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>> my son tommy will be 1 on october 30th. >> jimmy: almost a halloween baby. >> almost, yes. >> jimmy: so this is his -- did he dress up for the first halloween? >> he did not dress up. he was pretty name naked, actually. because he was ten pounds. he was a big boy. >> jimmy: oh, boy. >> so, this year, he's got really defined muscles, he started walking at 9 months. >> jimmy: is he on the juice? >> he's on the juice. he's going to go as channing tatum from "magic mike." i feel like the breakaway pants are easy for diaper changes. >> jimmy: all kids wear breakaway pants in a way. will he have the little bow tie on? >> yeah, he's going have a little long tie. >> jimmy: get dollar bills instead of candy. >> i'm down with that. >> jimmy: will you go trick or treating with him? >> no, totally make fun of him and -- >> jimmy: was halloween a big deal for you when you were a kid? >> i grew up in a town of, like, 800 people, like 750 people and there was barely enough, you
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know, people around to fill an actual pumpkin. >> jimmy: oh, you, away. >> slim pickings. >> jimmy: and probably a lot of space between each house, which is no good, too. >> yeah, you're kind of walking. it's not all that it's cracked up to be. >> jimmy: halloween is a night to get fat, not to exercise walking from place to place. >> exactly. >> jimmy: the town you are from, what's the name? >> it's called win trap. >> jimmy: okay. have you been back with the kids? >> i've taken my daughter back, actually, to winthrop days which is our local parade. it's really not a parade. basically you have a 2014 model vehicle you're allowed to be in the parade. >> jimmy: people are driving their new cars? i'm not even kidding. you have a bag of candy and a 2014 chevy, you can be in the parade. >> jimmy: oh, it's a silverado. >> exactly. >> jimmy: that's kind of december pressing. >> my dad got a new truck a few years ago.
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he said, i'm thinking about -- i might be in the parade this year. i'm like, no, no, no, dad, no. seriously. >> jimmy: it's one of those things, it's charming. as a kid, you remember the parades. but when you go back and you see, because, i've been to these small town parades. >> it's kind of crazy. like, there's -- there's actually a float, a miniature float but it's really just a convertible and they decorated it. it's like the buchanan county hog princess. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> and then you see the perspective, and you are waving, you're happy. i don't know if i look back in 10, 15 years, be happy i was the hog princess. >> jimmy: would you ever want to be the hog princess? it sounds derisive. the hog princess and the beef princess shouldn't it be the pork princess? >> i think it is. i used to hog wrestle.
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>> jimmy: for sport? >> at our local county fair. a tractor pull, a rope pull or wrest. ing a hog and i don't know why i chose wrestling a hog. i'm a blue ribbon holder. >> jimmy: you're a champion hog wrestler? [ applause ] >> thank you, thup. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> i am, i am. >> jimmy: guillermo, get a tub of kr of crisco and take off your clothes. >> jimmy: how does it work? >> you're in a ten-foot diameter pen and it's filled with mud. there's a barrel. and you got yourself a hog. and they start the clock and you and your partner, your teammate chase this hog around, pick it up and whoever dumps it in the barrel fast enough gets a blue ribbon. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> it's terrible. >> jimmy: the hogs must hate this. >> can you imagine? i look back, i feel terrible. i've got a couple of blue ribbons. >> jimmy: a couple of them. how old were you? >> probably like 13, 14. >> jimmy: did you ever think
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about going pro? >> i don't even think i ever thought about getting a date. i was seriously, like, it's not very attractive. >> jimmy: that's crazy. >> unless you're in a bikini. >> jimmy: well, sure, yeah. then you can make anything erotic if you really work hard at it. so, you are in this town and is it just that, or is there anything else to do there? >> well, there's a couple of bars and then you have a grocery store and that's really -- that's really all there is on main street. >> jimmy: that seems like enough. >> that's all you need is a grocery store and a couple of bars. >> jimmy: do they know you and get excited when you're there? >> they do. they are amazing. so supportive. always very excited and -- >> jimmy: hey, the hog wrestler's back! >> yes, exactly. >> jimmy: this movie, you're in this nicholas sparks movie. >> i am. >> jimmy: what is the idea behind the movie? >> the idea is that they're about two high school former sweethearts that are brought back together, reunited after 20 years of being apart. so, it really about, you know,
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having a second chance with your first love. >> jimmy: i see. >> so, if you think about your first love -- >> jimmy: uh-huh, yeah.ingi ord. >> well, there you go. >> jimmy: yeah, there's a time limit on those. it's not 20 years. a minute, it's up. i'm right there on the doorstep. >> exactly. >> jimmy: how did you wind up becoming an actor from such a small town? >> when i was about 17, i left home and i went to model in japan, actually. and that's kind of, by way of modeling. >> jimmy: how the hell did that happen? >> i have no idea. i basically, you know, somebody saw me and say, you know, you should model and i moved to chicago and they said, oh, yeah, go get a contract in japan, of all places, and my folks, being so naive and so supportive said, yeah, go and do it. it was really amazing. >> jimmy: in a good way? >> in a good way. but my very first night there, i turned up to one of these rotary
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sushi bars and i had never eaten a piece of fish outside of lent and a fish fry. i grabbed a piece of sushi. it was the salmon eggs, which is awful. pop it in my mouth, i'm like, i didn't know what hit me. i grabbed what i thought was ba guacamole. it was of course wasabi. i grabbed what i thought was iced tea, it was a hot, hot tea. it was a disaster. >> jimmy: you would, of course, maybe not let your children do something like that. >> no, but i went back -- i'm a glutton for punishment. i went back to japan for seven years in a row. i love the sushi now. >> jimmy: it all worked out. very good to see you. congratulations. michelle monaghan. "the best of me" is the movie. it opens friday. we'll be right back with t.i.
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it's on? oh yeah. with who? the citizens banker lady. she made things way simple for me, like how to deposit a check from my phone. she's even gonna send me alerts if my balance gets too low. total special treatment. you do know the alerts don't come from her personally, right don juan? mr.tobin, you forgot your phone! thank you. you left that there on purpose, didn't you? yeah. wow. award winning mobile banking from citizens bank. it's one way we're helping you bank better by keeping things simple.
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>> jimmy: i want to thank shia labeouf, michelle monaghan, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first, his album is called "paperwork." it comes out a week from tomorrow. here with the song "no mediocre," t.i. ♪ ♪ all i want is bad chicas i don't want no mediocre don't want no mediocre i don't want ♪ ♪ no mediocre no bad mamacitas only ain't no mediocre don't want no mediocre ♪ ♪ i won't hit no mediocre yeah ♪ ♪ bad chicks stuntin' on them mediocre on them mediocre you stunt on them mediocre seven ♪ ♪ women with me and ain't none of them mediocre from they head to they ♪ ♪ toes they so far from mediocre ♪ ♪ right hand in the air i solemnly swear i never go with her if she don't do her ♪ ♪ hair no more
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you won't get no kiss if it's a down there girl i should see ♪ nothing but when i look down there ♪ ♪ hey come get with a shawty what better to do he call and ask how you doin tell him better ♪ ♪ than you yeah i'm kicked back with four pieces like a kit kat ♪ ♪ me hittin' if you ain't pretty face ♪ ♪ if she don't have have one of these well i think i'll pass ♪ ♪ i just handed her the keys to a new drop jag when she took it i took ♪ ♪ it back you shoulda asked for a benz that's mediocre all i want is bad chicas ♪ ♪ i don't want no mediocre don't want no mediocre i don't want no mediocre no bad mamacitas only ♪ ♪ ain't no mediocre don't want no mediocre i won't hit no mediocre yeah ♪ ♪ bad chicks stuntin' on them mediocre on them mediocre you stunt on them mediocre seven ♪ ♪ women with me and ain't none of them mediocre from they head to they toes they so ♪ ♪ far from mediocre heard he want to lay it down on iggy iggy gave it to him twice ♪ ♪ now he want a 3 mike bibby diva
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♪ ♪ all i want is bad chicas i don't want no mediocre don't want no mediocre i don't want no mediocre no ♪ ♪ bad mamacitas only ain't no mediocre don't want no mediocre i won't hit no mediocre yeah ♪ ♪ bad chicks stuntin' on them mediocre on them mediocre you ♪ ♪ stunt on them mediocre seven women with me and ain't none of them mediocre ♪ ♪ from they head to they toes they so far from mediocre ♪ ♪ i don't want no mediocre ♪ if you a dime get your hands up ♪ ♪ i don't want no mediocre
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♪ don't want no mediocre >> you about that money, i need you to make some noise. i'm going to do this for my partner over here. bankroll mafia. "paperwork," october 21st. hey! ♪ ♪ if it ain't about the money ♪ if it ain't about the money ♪ i can't even hear what you saying ♪ ♪ if i ain't about the money
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♪ you can hit me with it ♪ mess me with it ♪ i'm packin' eleven i'm packin' eleven ooh i ride in a gator my shoes are giuseppe ooh ♪ ♪ i'm slime like the reverend i shoot at the reverend hey ♪ ♪ pants out the grocery store they stuck with lettuce hey ♪ ♪ ♪ put your money down i can buck a hard four you playin' with it i'ma send 'em through ♪ ♪ your car door my watch flooded sick got parvo ♪ ♪ i'm doin' it for black and yellow free hardo ♪ ♪ the head honcho no tonto i'm quick to put some bricks in a bronco ♪ ♪ talkin well i don't respond to those no murder no dough no convo ♪ ♪ if it ain't about the money
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don't be blowin' me up i ain't gettin' up ♪ ♪ if it ain't about the money ain't no use in you ringin' my line ♪ ♪ stop wastin' my time if it ain't about the money nah i can't even hear ♪ ♪ what you say i ain't finna do if it ain't about the money ♪ ♪ you can miss me with it miss me with it turn it ♪ ♪ i'm packin' eleven i'm packin' eleven ooh i ride in a gator my shoes are giuseppe ooh ♪ ♪ i'm slime like the reverend i shoot at the reverend hey pants ♪ ♪ out the grocery store they stuck with lettuce hey ♪ ♪ she try make the extras i told on these hey when it's bout time to pay i'm a bail on these hey ♪ ♪ ay what you think we in the neighborhood for standin in the trap i'm an '80s baby used to slang that ride a stolen car
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while he bang that a-k ♪ ♪ if you ever took a loss better bring that back catch you with ya and he can blow ♪ ♪ your brains bout that know you better be on you best behavior when addressing me ♪ ♪ because by gones we gon' let em' be disrespect me ima catch a felony ♪ ♪ if you listen i can get you paid but not interested in you say ♪ ♪ if it ain't about the money don't be blowin' me ♪ ♪ up i ain't gettin' up if it ain't about the money ain't no use in you ♪ ♪ ringin' my line stop wastin' my time ♪ ♪ if it ain't about the money nah i can't even hear what you say i ♪ ♪ ain't finna do if it ain't about the money you can miss me with it miss me ♪ this is "nightline." tonight, movie theaters, rec centers, even lazy rivers. is it college or vacation? welcome to luxury university. with tube wix prices skyrocketing -- >> let's take a look. >> so are the perks. >> walk-in closet you can walk
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into. >> and tricked out campuses. is it really the best way to spend that money? >> i definitely think all dorms should be like this. plus, deadliest catch. this job is not for the faint of heart. >> wipe that smile off your face! >> at the mercy of the weather and the waves. oh, and all that raw fish. >> oh! >> but on these dangerous waters, some like it rich. tonight, our ginger zee's extreme alaskan adventure. but first, the "nightline" five. >> when folks think about what they get from alaska, they think salmon and energy. but the energy bp produces up here creates something else, as well. jobs, all over america. engineering and innovation jobs. advance safety systems and technology. shipping and manufacturing. across the united states, bp supports more than a quarter million jobs. when we set up operation in one part of the country, people in other parts go to work. that's not a kwinls debs


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